I nearly wet the bed

This happened last night and includes this unfortunate title.

Bulgaria is a land of loud noises and things that will scare the living piss out of you. For instance, and I believe I can speak on behalf of every volunteer, past and present, have cursed the night sky when throwing out the trash and having a stray cat jump out. It always happens when you least expect it and it triples your heart rate vidnaga. These loud noises include cars backfiring. I had never heard a car backfire until I moved to the BG. Also firecrackers and gunfire. This story is about the latter.

I went to bed last night around midnight. And headed quickly to slumberland. Have you ever fallen asleep but your mind is still aware. You know what’s going on around you but your body doesn’t react. No? Perhaps I have a self-depreciating superpower. Anywho, I was like that for about an hour; my body was completely relaxed and my mind starting to slip into sweet sweet semi-consciousness and then… BAM BAM BAM BAM. HOOOOOOOOLY SHIT! What WAS that!? I couldn’t have been a car, too many of them; nor firecrackers. Who the hell sets off fireworks at 1am on a school night? Had to be a gun…and right under my window. Ok, back to sleep….

Wait, I left my grill gate unlocked and my door won’t put up much of a fight (hence the grill gate). This is when my body had fallen back into an unresponsive heap in bed. My mind was frantic.. WAKE UP WAKE UP! No? OK….zzzzzzzz. Two hours later BAM BAM BAM BAM! HOLY SHIT! I need to lock that grill gate. But my body refused to sense the urgency of my mind. And then out of now where…my bed room door popped open. HOLY SHIT SOMEONE IS IN MY APARTMENT AND IS GOING TO MURDER ME WHILE I LOOK LIKE I’M ASLEEP! BODY, WAKE THE FUCK UP! (Note: my door popped open because the door is too big for the frame. It wasn’t built like this, it’s just that everything in my bloc is, well, Soviet. In fact, the whole bloc is slowly sinking…)

My body stirred and I gasped for air (not why I didn’t that, perhaps my body was wondering why my heart rate was so fast). I sneak through my living room, fumble for the keys and lock my grill gate. Whew! I crawl back into bed, satisfied I wasn’t going to be murdered. I started to fall asleep. WAIT! You didn’t check the kitch……

And this is why I feel so tired today.


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2 Responses to “I nearly wet the bed”

  1. joe Says:

    LOL. That was an expressive way of describing it!
    You know, I am not sure why, but… gun ownership is legal in America, right? Like – just about anyone can go to a gun store and equip themselves.
    And you’re from America – so you shouldn’t be afraid! Very few people here in Bulgaria have guns, excluding some maffia and the police of course. The first are very unlikely to bother you unless you owe them money (which is probably not the case) and the second would never go around shooting.
    Just to reassure you and give you a heads-up, sort of… there has never been a school shooting in Bulgaria!

    • Jimmy Says:

      Gun ownership is very easy in the US. All you have to do is wait five (?) days for a background check. But from what I hear, that is easy to get around (like the gunman at the Holocaust Museum). Some of the debate is ludicrous, like arguing to arm students in the wake of school shootings (ie Virgina Tech). The National Rifle Association wants to allow citizens to carry concealed weapons in National Parks and allow the sale of automatic weapons! Gun ownership is protected by our Constitution, but most people neglected the “…well regulated militias…” part.

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